She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
