Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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