Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
you made out with another girl for some wings
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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