He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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