you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
