I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
