just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
