While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
