At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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