You work out of a Hotel?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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