I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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