Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
