im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
