He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
