Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
