My girlfriend figured out who you are.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
MIDGETS
????
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
