this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
