you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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