Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Dear god my vagina.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
