i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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