it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
