His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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