there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
