you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
