dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
