When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
