when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
someone owes me an orgasm
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
