pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
