he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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