Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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