my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
