rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
