I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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