im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
