you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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