I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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