i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
