I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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