As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
