i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
