Can i not drive my cunt home
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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