I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
