I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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