My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My feet surprised me
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
