Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
