Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
