considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Hippo gnu deer
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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