I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
