Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We have started to decorate penises.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
