i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
