I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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