I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
