i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
