Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
