Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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