you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Randomize
