Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
