***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
