we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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