One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
