also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Randomize
