I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
