I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
