after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
