guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
